Heart
by SD17
Summary: Two short chapters. What I think might have been going through Dean's mind when Sam shot Madison in the episode 2.17 Heart. Chapter two is what I thought might have happened after Sam shot Madison, a short episode between Heart and Hollywood Babylon. R&R.
1. Heart

**Heart**

I do not own supernatural or those gorgeous boys.

_(What I think Dean might have been thinking as Sam shot Madison in the episode 2.17 Heart)_

Dean would do anything to change places with Sam right now. Anything to take away his little brothers tears, his pain. If only he'd won their game of rock, paper, scissors. If he had won then he would have stayed behind to watch the girl, it would be him in this position and not Sammy. It would be him that had to put a silver bullet through her heart. Dean had tried, he told Sam he had this one, that he would do it for him but Madison had asked Sam to do it and Sam wanted too even though it was ripping him apart. Dean knew Sam was doing it because it was the only thing he could do for her. As the gun shot rang out through the apartment it tore at Dean like it never had before, made he physically flinch. Dean was used to guns, used to their sound, that's not what made him flinch. As the silver bullet had pieced Madison's heart Dean felt Sam's heart break and his own a long with it. A single tear slid down his cheek. He'd tried so hard to keep Sammy safe. Safe from harm, safe from pain. He'd failed again. But he would never stop trying.


	2. Broken

**Broken**

Dean composed himself as best he could and dialed 911. Then he brace himself for what he was about to see. Sam was on his knees on the floor sobbing holding on to Madison's lifeless body. Dean picked up the gun and got down on the floor with Sam. "We've gotta go Sammy." Dean said trying not to choke on the tears he refused to let fall. Dean pried Madison from Sam and put her gently down on the floor her eyes were still open her face blank. Dean put his hands on Sam's shoulders "Sammy," Dean pulled Sam up with him.  
"I wanted to save her Dean." Sam said vocie rough, tears still trickling sown his cheeks.  
It broke Dean to see his brother this way, to not be able to fix it. Dean nodded "Me too." He guided Sam out of the apartment and down the stairs. Sam moved zombie like not saying anything. When they got to the Impala Sam didn't make a move to open his door he just stared blankly at the handle. Dean opened the door and pushed Sam gently down so he would get into the car. Sam slid into his seat and stared vacantly out the windscreen. Dean reached over his brother and buckled the seat belt like he used to do when Sam was little. Dean shut the door and walked around to his side of the car wondering what he could do to pull Sam from this. Dean climbed into the Impala and pulled the squeaky door closed, he glanced over at Sam who was still just staring out of the window blankly. He'd stopped crying but the last few tears were still on his face. Sam made no move to brush them away.

Dean gunned the engine and took off trying to put as much space between Madison and Sam as he could. Dean tried to talk to Sam, tried to take his mind off what had happened but apart from a few grunts here and there Sam was unresponsive. Dean finally gave up. He hated feeling like this, he felt helpless when Sam was hurt like this, physical injuries he could take care of no problem but the ones inside Dean didn't even know where to start. After a couple of hours of driving Dean decide he would pull into the next motel. He didn't know how to help Sam but he thought he could do it better if they stopped. Soon a vacancy sign came into view and Dean pulled in. "I thought we might stop for the night Sammy." Sam nodded. Dean got out to get them a room. When he got back to the car Sam didn't look like he had moved a muscle. Dean moved the Impala to their room and tuned the engine off. Sam didn't make a move. Dean took their bags inside and came back for Sam. When he opened the passenger side door Sam still didn't move. Dean unbuckled his belt and pulled him from the car, he guided Sam through the front door and sat him down on the bed furthest from the door. Dean sat on the other bed across from Sam "It'll be OK." Sam nodded and looked at his hands they had Madison's blood on them still. "You want to have a shower?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head slightly and lifted his eyes to Deans they were shiny from with tears. Dean stood up and went to the bathroom and wet a cloth, he came back and began wiping the blood from Sam's hands. Again it reminded Dean of taking care of Sam when he was small, except then he was wiping away sticky lollies or something, not blood. Sam just let Dean take care of him, not caring if he seemed like a child again. When Dean had cleaned Sam up he walked to Sam's bag and got a clean shirt out. "Sam," Dean said holding up the clean shirt. Sam struggled with his shirt that had been soaked in Madison's blood, so Dean came over and striped it off him and helped him put the clean one on. Then Dean pulled the covers back on Sam's bed and guided Sam so he would lay down. He pulled Sam's boots off and put the covers back over him. Dean brushed his hand through Sam's hair and tuned the lamp off. Dean sat in the dark on the other bed watching Sam until he was sure he was asleep. "I'm sorry Sammy." Dean whispered into the darkness.

The next morning when Sam woke up he felt a little better. There was still an ache in his heart from what he'd had to do yesterday. He knew he'd be ok though, he still had Dean. He glanced over to the other bed looking for Dean. It was empty. Sam untangled himslef from the sheets and went to the bathroom when he came out Dean walked throught the front door carrying a bag and two cups of coffee. "Hey Sammy." Dean said brightly.  
"Hey Dean." Sam said taking a coffee from his brother and sitting down at the table. Dean put the bag of food down on the table and sat as well.  
"About yesterday, last night..." Sam started "Hey, it's OK." Dean said holding up his hand.  
Sam knowing how much Dean hated what he called 'Chick flick moments' and knowing he only took part in them when absolutely necessary nodded.  
"So you feeling better?" Dean asked taking a sip from his cup.  
"I'll be OK." Sam answered and gave a small smile. Sam didn't know why he'd ever let himself get so involved with Madison, everyone he cared for always got hurt. He'd thought they were out of the woods with the whole ware wolf thing. He could feel himself starting to well up again so he pushed the thoughts of Madison away. Taking her life would haunt him for the rest of his he just knew it.  
Dean smiled "Well I have an idea, why don't we take a road trip to Hollywood, go do something 'normal' for once, have a holiday"  
Sam nodded "Sure." Dean opened the bag and pulled out a donut. "Good, I'm starving."

The End


End file.
